Before I started book blogging, reading was a very solitary experience for me; I walked into the bookshop, I bought the book, I read the book. That was it. What I never realised was that there was this whole side to reading that I was missing out on; this wonderful world where people shared and revelled in their love of the written word.
Finding that world was like falling down the rabbit-hole into Wonderland, or stepping through the wardrobe into Narnia. Suddenly I found myself in this place where there were people everywhere with whom I could share this passion, and they helped me find a new joy in reading that I had never experienced, and for which I will be eternally grateful for.
The best part was that I never expected any of it. Four years ago, when I first started posting book reviews to Tumblr, to YouTube, and, finally, to here, I did so for the pure enjoyment of it, and so what began as an outlet of expression, turned into four years of making friends, getting invited to publishing events, and even, somehow, becoming an advocate for my favourite book series.
It blows my mind to think about everything I’ve got to do and be a part of because of what essentially started out as a hobby, and I’ll never regret any of that for a second.
But four years is a long time.
I’ve spoken a few times about my struggles with my mental health. It’s something I was battling long before I started blogging, and for the most part, it was something I was able to keep a handle on and not let affect the things I enjoyed doing, but over the past eighteen months I’ve found it increasingly hard to manage.
I made the decision last summer to put my BookTube channel on hold for a while, because, even though I loved doing that more than anything, I no longer had the energy to film videos. Instead, I decided to focus on written blogs, which seemed like a manageable way of keeping up with this thing that I loved. Unfortunately, however, over the past few months, that too has become difficult to cope with.
The simple fact is, what started out as something I did for love, has descended into something I now have to force myself to do, and I just don’t have the energy to do that right now.
So, I’ve decided to put this blog on hiatus for a while.
I still love writing, that hasn’t changed, but when you have an inner critic living in your head telling you everything you write is trash, it gets harder and harder to hit the ‘publish’ button.
And I still love books, that will definitely never change, but I’ve only read one book so far this year, and I know a lot of that is because the books I should read, aren’t necessarily the same as the books I want to read. Until those two things align again, I need to take some time for myself for a while.
I’ll probably still pop in every once in a while, and I know there are books coming out soon that I will want to write about, but for now, I will say thank you, to every single person who has read a blog, or watched a video, of mine over the past four years, to every blogger or BookTuber who has welcomed me into this community, to every publisher who has sent me books, invited me to events or to take part in blog tours, and to every author who inspired me to do this thing.
Thank you for these four years.
“It is what you read when you don’t have to that determines what you will be when you can’t help it.”